[For another sort of man, it wouldn't be only for you might sting, but it's not as if Vanya disagreed even then. There's a sting to talking about Antosha, but a relief too: He's not sure he has, really, other than very briefly before Tsenka Abendroth punched him in the mouth. (He wondered, when he heard, if Antosha would care that his fellows had killed the woman he helped escape.)]

He was so much smarter than he wanted anyone to notice, [quiet.] Creative and perceptive.

I want to think that the doing the right thing, that that is who he really is, deep down. That the defecting was fear. It would be easier to think that. But I honestly don't know. It's been years and I can never settle on a "why" that sticks. And I don't know how much it would matter to anyone else, at this point.

[It shouldn't matter to Vanya either, after this long.]